Okay I feel so excited and yet so blah at the same time. This packing carp has really been wearing me out super bad! On a side note though, my friend Jeremy has offered to pay for me to get a clinic pregnancy test done so I will know if I am pregnant before I leave for Ohio. I am really excited and I am going to go in Monday morning and have it done. I have to have blood drawn which really sucks, but it will be completely worth it to know in the end! Because when we move this weekend it will take all day to load the trailer, all day to drive and another day to unload the trailer. So basically, if I am not pregnant, it is ok to hurt myself doing this, if I am pregnant, I'm gonna wimp out and try to get other people to help us, because there is nooo way I am taking any chances! I want a baby soo bad! I want to be a mommy. Plus I have already started to lower my medications, which has been hell already. So if for some reason I am showing signs of early pregnancy I wouldn't know, because my meds are throwing my body for a loop for me! Coco is doing much better, she can walk, although it is kinda funny. I'm really proud of her though, I though I was gonna have to get her a little doggy wheel chair and squeeze her twice a day so she could pee! I am supposed to keep her on restriction though until the end of July at least. That is a fun game to play, because she thinks she needs to be where mommy is at all times!

We should be moving within the next week. Things are going very well for me in my family. I have a ton more responsibility on my shoulders now with my dad being gone. I have been doing lots of packing, cleaning, and selling of my moms stuff. Also at the same time I have been trying to get pregnant. In two weeks I should be able to know if I am pregnant via test, and a week or so after that I will know if I miss my period. I am excited, nervous, and anxious all at the same time. I have been extra careful with my body to increase my chances of getting pregnant. I have been trying to keep my body the right temperature and not to lift excessive amount of weight. Which has been a struggle because we have been packing and running a yard sale. I believe I felt myself ovulate last week, so I hope that we have some success! My toes look really terrible. Both nails have dried blood underneath them and look really bad. I have clipped off a bunch of them. I have been packing all my baby clothes to go to Ohio and man I have a lot! lol. I think I have serious mommy shopping issues. I really want to have a girl. I will come to accept it if it happens to be a boy, but my heart is truly set on a girl. I am not 100 percent sure Justin is ready to be a dad, but I know I am ready to be a mom. My mom has been super supportive of everything. I started lowering my medication about a week ago. It already has begun to effect me. I have had a couple of anxiety attacks already, and I'm already more easily agitated. But I have to do it for the sake of the baby. Because if I am pregnant right now and don't know it, which is possible, the medication can severely hurt the baby during development. So even if I get a bit crazy, it is worth is to have a healthy baby. I am just really lucky to have great friends like Melissa and Brandon, who have been helping me a lot lately. Justin and Jeremy have been busting their butts working at Trolli, so I don't see them much, but they are making good money :)

Super Changes

It has been a while since I have blogged. Don't think that while I was gone I didn't think about it, all the time. I would want to write but never really found the time or the quiet to do so. As I sit here with a headache, I decided to take this moment of quiet and write. Before I go any further I will be getting into some pretty big TMI for those who aren't interested. First lets start off with the not personal parts.
My family has officially decided to move to Ohio. No more ifs, ands, buts, or maybes. Butch left my mom in a rage, and is now in Ohio. I am trying to help my mom sell off most of her stuff so this move is as easy as possible. We haven't even started in storage yet and we are looking at moving by June 16th. So yeah, things aren't looking well in my perspective on that. I am trying to go with the flow and not stress too bad over it. Because after all, it is my moms life and all I can do is help her to the best of my ability.
Then there is my poor Coco. Some time last Saturday she got hurt, I think falling down the stairs. She is currently paralyzed from the waist down. I have been taking her to the vet twice a day for two days now to get shots to help. She is only showing minimum progress. So I am pretty worried over that. She doesn't complain though, she is my strong girl. I am pretty proud of how well she is taking all of it. She has been confined to a plastic clear tote that has a pillow and food and water for her. The vet gave me the talk today that she may be paralyzed forever, but then reassured me that she may not. Either way, I love Coco, and I would do anything for her. She is my baby and I wouldn't trade her for the world. If she remains this way, I will have to expel her bladder for her several times a day, and eventually find her a mechanism similar to a wheel chair so she can get around. But that is something to look at in the future. For now we are going with day to day treatment, and I try my best to make her happy.
Now is for the TMI. After my adoption falling through I have been doing a lot of medical research and such, had a few doctors appointments and I have decided to try to carry a child. It is very dangerous for me and the child. First off I have to make sure that everyday I am taking my full dose of lymes medication, and on time, to prevent the baby from getting lymes. Then I will have to wean myself off of my anxiety medication. I take a extremely high dose. This medication actually manages my anxiety, bi-polar, and manic depression. So once I am off of it fully I will be very emotionally unstable and unable to go in public places alone, if at all. It is scary for me to think about being off my meds. I like being able to be happy and I am glad I take them. But if I continue to take these medications, it would harm the baby for sure. So the entire time I am carrying, I have to be drug free. Now I know this doesn't sound too hard, and that's right, because it isn't the hard part. Getting pregnant is. This is very TMI, so those of you who just can't take it, look away now! lol.
Basically I found out from my gyno that have a vaginal muscle that in enlarged, and doesn't permit proper insertion of males parts, which thus explains why it has always been too painful for me to lose my virginity. I can only fit things about the size of a tampon in there( which I don't wear because they hurt, btw). So the gyno told me that my options lay between artificial insemination and invitro insemination. Which she highly advised the invitro due to my vaginal sensitivity. So now I am stuck with the fact that to have a baby, I have to have a doctor knock me up for a minimum of ten grand. Which depending on how hard it is, it can go up to 40 grand! So I have decided to attempt to inseminate myself using a children's medicine dropper as my tool. I know this is a lot of personal info, but I really just want to talk about my struggle with this. I am trying for a girl, and there are natural ways of increasing your chances of girls, and I am going to try them. My predicted fertile days are June 1st through the 5th. So wish me luck as I try to finally get the chance to become a mom. Because honestly I am not sure if I could ever afford for a Doctor to have it done.

Looking Back

Well, I got some of those weird spammer comments on one of my older blog posts and I was going back trying to figure out how to delete them, when I got looking at some of my older posts I wrote in 2008. I kinda got a laugh out of a few, where I found weird things around the house and was finding major bargains. I think some of my more recent posts have been a little more mundane. Knowing life can't be a exciting read all the time, I think I may do some more research articles in the future, especially about baby stuff. Me and my mom have big housing plans. Basically we are going to finish remodeling her house and next year she will buy a big house in the country with a good amount of land. Then I will rent her house until it sells and then I will proceed to buy a manufactured home and put it on her lot as well. Then I can fence in a little yard for my dogs, and we can be as close as we are now. I talked to her about the idea and she really likes it! So I am going to be working on saving up a lot of money this year so we have a good down payment for the house.

Great News! Justin got told today that they will be starting work ASAP! Which is gonna be great. He will be out of state for nearly two months, but will be back in time for my birthday. I am getting a lot of hours at my new job. I like it a lot. When Justin goes to his new job I may go visit him and see the sites down there. He is going to Omaha,NE. I am gonna miss him, but I think the time apart will be good for us. Plus I think this job is going to toughen him up a lot. All the dogs are doing good on their house training so far. Mom is loving her new Pomeranian Abby. She is a sweet little fluff. I have been cleaning out my storage like crazy. I am selling my sectional sofa, and a lot of my bigger furniture. If I can get everything together I may have a yard sale this Saturday. My mom is going through her stuff too. Not as fast as me, but I am one of those people that I want things done fast!