A friend of mine posted this on their facebook page, and I found so many of these things true to me and truly funny! Read and see how many you relate to!
--More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
--Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
--That's enough, Nickelback.
--I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
--Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no Internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
--There is a great need for sarcasm font.
--Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
--I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that every one's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
--How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
--I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
--I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
--The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
--Was learning cursive really necessary?
--I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
--Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
--MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
--I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
--Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
--I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
--Bad decisions make good stories.
--Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
--You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
--Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
--I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
--I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
--While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
--I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
--I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
--It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
--I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
--Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
--Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
--It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
--I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
--I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
--I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
--The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people. Too bad I was eating by myself.
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