Sunday, December 30, 2012

30 Things I want my kids to know about me Part 4

Here we go again!

Number 10:
Describe your most embarrassing moment.
I can't honestly come out with one solid moment, and that's because I spent a lot of my life making sure I wasn't caught in those kinds of situations. Honestly though, the most embarrassing thing that happened to me fairly often growing up and still some times does today is I get confused. I have very mild dyslexia and I will reverse the meaning of a word with its opposite or forgot which way spells a word properly. It really makes me feel super dumb that I can't recall the correct meaning or spelling when trying to express myself. On many occasions where that has happened people have called me out on it and laughed at me.

Number 11:
Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
1. Lazy people. People who think that things should just happen for them or will work out with no work involved.
2. Dirty people. People who cannot clean up after themselves and think it is perfectly okay to just be nasty and trashy.
3. When people don't know how to shut off the lights, shut doors or cabinets, or close containers after use.
4. When people don't put things away after using them, or use them without my permission(things they need to ask for that is.)
5. Bad drivers. Thanks for not only risking your life but mine all because you either don't care, or think your the best driver out there.
6. When the people I live with feel they need to have the TV on 24-7. I can't stand that. I need something more interactive then a screen to stare at, and eventually it gives me a headache.
7. When my dogs won't quit barking, especially when there is NOTHING to be barking at!!!
8. Discovering someone ate all of something I wanted, rarely happens, but when it does it drives me nuts. Used to happen to my ice cream a lot, but I put a stop to that!
9. Ungrateful people. You have everything in the world handed to you and you aren't grateful or only expect more. I hate that.
10. People who think they are above the law. I don't care if you smoke pot, power to you, but you seriously have no right to be pissy when you get caught. Same for any other kind of law breaking.

Number 12:
Describe a typical day in your current life.
Well, this is a boring one now. To reduce stress and to deal with being sick 24-7 from being pregnant, I don't do much. On a normal weekday I sleep in with Justin until about noon because he gets home so late. We either hangout together at home, watching TV and eating something , or run a few quick errands until he goes to work around 2-2:30. Then depending on the day I entertain myself on the computer or if not feeling well take a short nap. Then I spend time with the dogs until Jeremy gets here from work, and he usually spends the evening with me. Either we cook dinner together or separately, and watch some TV together. Then usually at a decent time he goes home and I entertain myself until Justin gets home. We eat, and spend some time together and then off to bed, usually around 2 am or 3 am. Weekends we get more time to hang out together.

Number 13:
Whats the hardest part of growing up?
For me personally, the hardest part was not wanting or getting the help I needed with my mental disabilities. It would have changed everything.
I would say though the hardest part in general is the fact your so young your world feels so huge, and any problems you face seem so much harder then they really were. Boys, school, family, everything seemed so big, and it just blows my mind to look back now and think that those problems are nothing compared to now.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

30 Things I want my kids to know about me Part 3

Here is the third installment of my 30 things list.
Number 5:
What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
1. Justin. He makes me smile everyday and is the light of my life.
2. My pets. I love my dogs Coco, Cami, and Furby. Even though Quinn isn't living with me currently, it makes me really happy to see him.
3. My crafts. Being creative and making something always makes me happy.
4. Being Pregnant. It may not be the actual pregnancy itself, because I am sick as hell, but I am finally going to have my own baby and be a mom. I feel like a real woman.
5. Sleeping, honestly. Being pregnant has given me such super real and weird dreams that sleeping is actually more enjoyable then usual.

Number 6:
If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
1. Wealth. Pay off my debt, buy a nice house, buy a nice car(my dream mommy van), and have money to send my kid to college and go to Disney World.
2. Perfect health for me and my family.
3. World Peace? I really don't know because the first two make my life perfect.

Number 7:
What is your dream job, and why?
This is an easy answer. I want to own and run my own thrift store. I worked for a year at a GoodWill store and LOVED what I did. But being there made me realize there are so many things they could do to help out the environment or the community. They could have donated broken ceramic dishes to the local high school to make mosaics with or we had a teacher come in asking for wire hangers, paying out of his pocket, so his students could do a project. Our store didn't sell them, they threw them out, BUT we weren't allowed to give anything away, not even trash. I want to run the kind of store that builds community value, helping where it can. A place that recycles more, and throws away less, and makes the world a better place. That's my dream job.

Number 8:
What are 5 passions you have?
1. Art. That is my biggest one. I love to paint, draw, scrapbook, and just plain create.
2. Being Eco Friendly/Frugal. I like to save money and do good for the environment. I know I could do more, but I try to save on my trash output, reuse when ever I can, and recycle.
3.Reading and Writing. I love a good book, and I love to write when ever I can.
Since I condensed my passions I only have three.

Number 9:
List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
1. My Mom. She was a super strict parent, and although she made a lot of my life hell she taught me important things like proper cleaning, and the importance of being organized.
2. Helen Keller. Never met her obviously, but I learned about her in elementary school and her will to learn and survive was and is very inspiring to me.
3. Maya Gaskins-Hickman. This girl taught me that being weird is ok, and she taught me how to shop, and trust me, that is more important then you would think.
4. Justin Moran. He taught me what true happiness is, and that everything is worth working through.
5. My first high school love. I would rather not name. He taught me that there was love out there, before him I had never been happy with a guy and didn't know I could be.
6. Mr. Stone. He was my 6th grade teacher and he was the first teacher to really open my eyes to my love of education and learning. He made learning cool.
7. Mr. Hurt. He was my middle school art teacher. He changed my perspective on art and let me run loose with the art supplies. I thank him for opening those doors.
8. My Grandma 'Mamaw'. She showed me not all love is the same. She taught me how to knit and do plastic canvas work, and never discouraged my creative side.
9. My Dogs. Oddly yes. You come home every day to them and they are happy to see you and love you. I try to remember that, because no matter what everyone deserves to be loved, your dog thinks so.
10.Jeremy Malone. Yes that dork. He has taught me it is okay to be goofy, to love weird things, and to have a passion for games. His influence has taught me to enjoy life more.

30 Things I want my Kids to know about Me Part 2

In my last blog I answered question number one. Lets see what we can answer tonight.
Number Two:
Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
Well, one fear I have is catching on fire. Not a huge fear, but when I was growing up my mom always had candles lit every where, and I had super long hair. Needless to say I came very close on serveral occasions to catching my hair on fire. Hasn't happened that I know of but still scared. A second fear is of squishing bugs. When I was a little kid my grandparents had a half in ground finished basement, and I dumped out a mason jar full of pens once. Where there was what looked to be a baked bean in the jar, so being a little kid I squeezed it between my fingers to see if it was. Turns out it was a super dead june bug and was super crunchy. Ever since squishing bugs freaks me out. Then my third fear isn't that scarey, it is a fear of running out of stuff. For example say food or toilet paper. I grew up in a house of surplus, there was always more then enough of everything. But then in my late teen years I spent time between being homeless and shacking with friends and learned what it was truely like to live without these things. I lived with one family who own ONE bath towel. I remember not having any money to buy food, using pocket change to buy roman so we could just eat something. Empty cabinets scare me. Deeply.
Number Three
Describe Your Relationship With Your Spouse:
This is a awesome question. I am glad this one was on the list because I don't feel like I get to ever talk about this. I love Justin and I love him in a way I haven't ever loved anyone else. He is the first man I have ever had a mature love with. I don't need him to feel complete about myself, but him being here does just that. Just being in the same room makes me a happier person. He is not perfect by any means, but he tries and he loves with all of his heart. We don't give up every time we get into a fight, we work it out, fix it, and keep going. The best things in life are that way. You ever see some one who has been driving the same car since the 80's? Thats because they know the best things are worth working on when they break down. Justin drives me crazy, but I love him for it. He is a child at heart and it keeps me young. He is always pushing me to follow my dreams and go the distance. I have never met some one so supportive. I really feel like this is the kind of love that lasts forever.
Number Four
List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could:
1. DO NOT use that hair brush at the skating rink.
2. Talk to your friends more.
3. Reconsider trying bipolar meds.
4. I know you wont believe even yourself saying this, but he isn't the dream come true you think he is.
5. Take more pictures of Mickey and Holden.
6. Enjoy highschool, it is only four years, and Newton High ROCKS.
7. Take more of an interest in Gardening and Cooking at home.
8. Never stop writing, whether it is journals, books, stories, poetry, let it out.
9. Have faith in yourself, because you can do it, all by yourself.
10. See a gyno. It could change everything.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

30 Things I want my Kids to know about Me

So I was going through Pinterest. One of my favorite pass times. When I came across this great idea. The Pin was 30 Things I want my Kids to know about Me. That is a big thing of mine. I am currently writing a baby journal. This book has all of my current thoughts and feelings, and so they can know I loved them before I ever met them. Then I am the kind of person that is moved by certain stories and movies. One story that always moves me is when a parent leaves behind messages or notes, sometimes certain items for their child to remember them and know them. If something were to ever happen to me, it would mean a lot a to me. So I journal for myself, I journal for the baby, I write a blog, and I scrapbook. So now I have found this neat list of things, kind of like questions, to let my child know who I am now. This is detailed so it may take several posts.
Number One:
List 20 Random Facts About Yourself:
1. My name is Panda Michelle and I was named after my mothers best friend in high school.
2. My favorite color changes nearly all the time, I like pink, blue and green mostly.
3. Coco is my first real pet. I love her so much I have a tattoo to represent her.
4. I never cut my hair short until I was 16, until then it was past my butt.
5. I love piano music.
6. Since I can remember I have always wanted my first child to be a girl.
7. I got my drivers licence when I was 18.
8. I am addicted to SIMS games. Currently Sims3.
9. I am 5'7.
10. I love fresh veggies and fruits. People hate how green peppers smell and I eat them raw.
11. I love Vampires and wanna be one, lol.
12. I believe there is a god, but I am in no way his servant.
13. I love to go to yard sales and bargain shop.
14. I am a artist, and I love to paint and draw.
15. I try to be Eco friendly.
16. I believe one person can make a difference.
17. I didn't plan on having kids til I was 30.
18. I am the oldest of the oldest of 7 kids.
19. I got married when I was 18, and generally, that's a bad idea.
20. I collect Jewelry.

This is all for now. To be continued!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Week 11

I am pretty sure I said in my last post I was 11 weeks, which wasn't correct. Mondays are my week change days and I am now 11 weeks. I am due on a Monday and with a double check on a backward count I am 11 weeks as of December 17th, 2012. It still blows my mind that I am pregnant! It is starting to show too. Below my rib cage I normally curve inward and between my hip bones I normally curve in. Now even when I suck in, I barely break even. So it is really starting to show as it fills out my figure. Sadly my organs don't share my happiness over the matter, and do not appreciate the baby moving them out of his or her way, no matter how slow they are doing it. I was curious of how far along I was in months and then also when my first trimester would be over. I think if something was wrong I would sense it, but that first trimester milestone really sets a lot of fears on the back burner. So it is looking like 3 more weeks and we will be in the clear. I was thinking around new year it would be good.

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Friday, December 14, 2012

Pregnancy Changes: 11 Weeks

I just got out of the shower and while I was in there I did some deep thinking. Well, I did some thinking lets say that. The biggest thought on my mind was how my body and habits have already changed so much now that I am pregnant. So instead of fulling up facebook with tons of random statuses on what my body is up to, I thought a nice blog would summarize it. I am 11 weeks today, roughly.

First off is the visible physical changes. There isn't anything noticeable unless I am in my undies. Basically the space between my hip bones no longer curves in and has begun its slight curve outward. I am also slightly bloated, so it has me a little pudge around the middle. So basically slightly bigger, but I think I still could take a decent bikini picture.

Next is the eating. Cravings set in early. They are more like urges. Except for meat. That one is a craving for sure. Before I was pregnant I ate on average twice a day. I ate around noon something small, and then a larger dinner. It wasn't me starving myself either, I just wasn't hungry. That has completely changed now. I feel hungry what seems like all the time! I can eat and be hungry an hour later. Now I eat a small breakfast, trying to eat something that will sit well on my stomach to start the day. Then usually some sort of couple of bites snack, and either a couple more snacks or a lunch, then I have dinner. Which thank god I am finally feeling well enough to cook. Then after dinner I stay up late, so usually two more snacks. If I nap during the day it eliminates one or two snacks all together. The biggest change is the meat. I crave meat. I am nearly a vegetarian, and now I am wanting a damn near raw steak! Meat has always been something I was super picky about because I don't like cutting it up, hard to chew, doesn't sit well with my stomach. I am basically like an old person when it comes to REAL meat. Give me cold cuts or ground meat any day and no big deal. Now I am all over steaks, chops, you name it!

Another big change is mood. Half of this change is pregnancy change and the other half is no meds change. The pregnancy part is the tears. I cry over EVERYTHING. A picture of a puppy and baby? Tears. Sharing a Christmas memory? Tears. It has been crazy. That super cute baby outfit at WalMart? Tears. The other big mood change is no drugs. Stress equals Anger. Flat out. I try not to interact with anyone outside my household for fear I will freak out. I haven't yelled at anyone outside of immediate family and friends who understand. Which is good.  The mixture of my anxiety and bipolar, and the fact I am pregnant, make me get super angry over normally small stressors that don't even merit a reaction half the time. So it goes without saying I cannot wait to be back on my happy pills. I recognise I have a problem and to be a good functioning person I need medication. I can't even tell my reactions are irrational at times. But it is good I can see that.

The last thing I can think of that has really changed is I have extreme and vivid dreams. I normally dream every night, but this is so different. I dream more detailed dreams and more creative dreams. Dreams I remember much more details to, and ones that convince me when I wake up that my reality has changed. I was convinced the other day when I woke up that Justin never existed!! Crazy!

Monday, December 10, 2012

Pregnancy Dreams

I am 10 weeks along now, and man have the dreams revved into over time! I have very vivid dreams every night I sleep, and extremely often when I nap. The reason I am having these extra dreams is because my body is being flooded pregnancy hormones progesterone, estrogen and human chorionic gonadotrophin (hCG). These are causing all kinds of interesting things.
Now, the one that has really caught my attention is one of my latest dreams. In this dream all my nieces and nephews where there and all school age. Also I was temporarily homeless and meet some crazy people! I think since the kids played such a role in this dream it was me thinking and wondering what my child will look like and act like. There are so many factors to play in, that who knows 'who' is going to pop out of me in July! Other parts of my dream include me discovering a pool and finding weird places to get scrap metal from. I think the pool is me looking for comfort and the scrapping is my concern on money.
No nightmares yet, but I have read once you get far enough along on your pregnancy your baby moving and kicking can influence your dreams. Which I find interesting and scary because I want to feel my baby move, but the idea of something alive inside me is a little creepy. Horror movies have ruined some things for me.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

A Heart Beat

Today Justin and I went in to get my first ultrasound done for my pregnancy. I have been so sick. Since I found out around Novemeber 15th I have had a variety of illness issues. First everything was coming out too fast down stairs, then everything decided to just come back upstairs. It is really starting to feel like I can't win. But the nurse at the prenatal clinic was able to prescribe me some medication I can safely take to help with the nasua and vomiting. The only problem is it gives me headaches and makes me light headed. So it has been a hard road so far. As I said before we went in for my first ultrasound today. I have never had one before but had a general idea of what to expect thanks to TV shows.  The lady who did it was a pro and found the baby in 3 seonds flat. He or She was beautiful. Right now the baby kinda looks like a doll with no fingers or toes, and I got to see the baby move a little and hear the heart beat. I think it all settled in and was finally real to me then. I have a healthy baby gorwing inside me and this is something I thought would never happen. I am 8 weeks along and my little one is due July 8th. I am going to pick up a journel at Walmart so I can start writing down my thoughts. Nothing has made me feel more complete then when Justin was sitting there holding my hand and we looked at the pictures of our baby. Life is never perfect but what we do get is amazing.

Friday, November 09, 2012


Oh, Yes, This is a gamer post!
My system of choice is the Xbox360. You can blame my friend Jeremy for that, since he got me interested in the system back in 2006. Since the original Xbox360 was released in 2005, I wasn't too far behind in the times. The original game that got me addicted was Guitar Hero. Since then I have played several games such as Fallout, Fallout: New Vegas, Fallout 3, Fable 2 and 3, Guitar Hero, Rock Band, Halo Reach, MineCraft, Lego Indiana Jones, Borderlands, and Dragon Age.

Though out the years Xbox360 has offered a large variety of looks and styles that make it so the user can have their own individual system. The system offers a monthly membership you can buy to be connected online with other users, sharing game scores and playing multi player games together.

So basically I have chosen a popular gaming system that is constantly coming out with new games and connecting players all over the world.

Thursday, November 08, 2012

Waiting Room

**Please note this is  a old post I wrote from my phone and have now decided to publish, enjoy!

Sitting in a hospital waiting room gives you a lot of think about things. I don't even mean regular things either. Sitting for an hour and half I came accross many topics such as college, where my life would be if I had made different choices, children, christmas and all the in between. I guess to say I am pretty happy in life. This isn't where I planned to be. When I was in middle school I started dreaming of life as a lawyer, and going to a state college. Nothing thrilled me more then the idea of carrying a large stack of books accross campus and attending classes. Then as I came into high school I wanted to become a psychiatrist. I wanted to help people solve their problems. Through out high school art classes opened my eyes to my passion for art and I guess you would call it recycling? I found my talent to reuse objects and make new things from old. I also found my love of sales. I knew then I wanted to go to college for sales and marketing. My life long goal started taking shape at this point. First it was a thought in the back of my mind, then slowly it became a idea. I wanted to start my own thrift store. As years passed I picked up more and more ideas to add to it. I didn't want any store, I wanted to help people. When I started my plan it was all about keeping good items out of our landfills and making some money. It came to me that I could donate materials donated to local schools for their art programs, and tech schools for engine repair training programs and such. I could also take portions of profits to donate to charity.

New Addition

On September 27th, 2012 my friend Cynthia went into labor and gave birth to a wonderful little boy named Xavier Uriah Wilson. Due to other circumstances Childrens Services placed him in another home and he ended up with me. This is the first full time infant I have taken care of since my little brother and sister were little. He is a sweet little guy.
He is One month and 12 days old today. This week I got a nice glider and foot stool rocking chair to rock him with. I also got the portable bed I ordered from walmart. Right now he prefers to sleep in his swing, but my mom says he will grow out of that phase.

There is nothing like having a little one in your life to make you think about life and what is important. He has been a precious blessing.

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Moving Again

Well, sadly we are moving again. Justin and Chris were unable to raise their credit score enough to to finiance the house so we will be moving temporarily until we can raise Justins credit score again. We are looking at trailers in Mechanicsburg and Rolling Hills. At first I was devestated about the move iteself, but I am looking for the positives in this. First off I see it as a chance to get a even better house, one with all the different things I want, and a yard to fill with a garden and a area for my future children to play in. The second major plus is that we can live some where cheap to pay off debts and fix credit. Which getting ahead is important. So mostly there are little things, because it will suck being in a small place and having all my stuff in storage.

Monday, August 06, 2012

Flea Market

I just recently had my first weekend at Market Place of the America's, a large all indoor flea market. I have a wonderful 10 by 10 booth, with some very nice neighbors.

Above and below are a few of the pictures of my booth, I have tons of great items for sale, for very low prices.
All the clothes I sell are only $1 each. Plus I toys, books electronics, and more.

My booth is nicely located in the 'San Fransico' area of the mall, and is across the hall from the 'Dollar Store'.

I am also selling Pandora Style Beads for only $1 each.

Along with the beads I have been making my own jewelry as well, and they are only $2 each. I have wolf, turtle,button and skull earrings just to name a few.

I started doing flea markets when I was 17 and loved doing it then. I would sit outside, no matter how hot or cold and sell what ever it is I had at the time. My goal is to make enough money off this to open my own thrift store. I make things and buy things at such a low price I am able to pass the bargain onto customers and make a good profit at the same time. It isn't always easy, but I enjoy what I do. I especially enjoy when I can sell some one something that they truly would enjoy or just love to have. I hope you decide to come visit me and the other great vendors at Market Place of the Americas in Columbus.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

In Birth and in Death

I has taken me a week, but I am finally ready to share. I received this card in the mail yesterday from the vets office, and I waited all day to open it because I knew the pain it would bring. When I opened it and found what they had included inside, they gave me something that I would cherish.
Below is the front of the card.

The next image is the inside of the card.

Then this is the back.

Below is what they included with the card, which is a wonderful gift. Cami lost her daughter on the way to the vet. She held on as long as she could, but didn't survive being stuck in the birth canal. They offered to cremate the baby for free, and spread her ashes with other pets in their cemetery. In their card they had taken her paw print, and sent it to me. This is by far the sweetest thing a vets office has ever done for me.

I did take a few photos of the baby before we reached the vet. I think this one shows her best. She would have looked just like her mommy, but would have been huge like her daddy.

We did receive one small blessing. Her little brother was born first, because he was smaller. He was very tiny and a beautiful grey color.

So even though we mourn the loss of his sister, we were blessed with one beautiful healthy baby boy. He is very well taken care of by his mother, and adored by his father.