No One Understands

I feel I need to vent or express this, because I really don't have any other way to. Since being pregnant I have been off my medication for my anxiety and bipolar. Which slowly has caused me to to regress into a even worse state then I was before I began taking these medications 7 years ago. It is extremely hard and some cases impossible for me to do certain normal every day things. Making phone calls is one of them, talking to strangers is another. It is like being trapped in a box of severe fear all the time. I can't just calm down or get over it. These things are just a few of my triggers, and once I am set off I can react in many unpleasant ways. One of them a variety of anxiety attacks. I have one type where I just get physically sick, vomit, extreme stomach pain. Another where I black out or hyper ventilate. Also where I get extremely dizzy, lose focus and cannot concentrate. Oh, and the one where I get super irrational and either cry or get super angry! I have no control over myself when these things happen, and they cause me to feel regret, fear and shame. I am ashamed I don't have the control a normal person does over their emotions and physical reactions. I want to be back on my medication, but even then I am still limited. People don't seem to understand this. I CANNOT confront people, or have any type of drama in my life, because it will cause a anxiety attack. I can tell when a stresser is going to cause me to have one, and I try to avoid them at all costs. Certain things, with the help of people I love and trust, can be done. Like at this point in time, I really cannot go any where alone, I must have some one with me. I am just too afraid. I do not like being co dependant like this, but until the baby is born I have no choice. I can't just call up strangers, and I can't order food at a drive through. My life sucks and right now I hate being me. So honestly, if you don't understand what I am going through, then just get lost. It is hard enough to deal with every day situations without people throwing in there that I should just DO certain things, when I can't. I just can't. I hate the way I am because I feel like when I explain what I am feeling or going through it is like saying I am a freak. Especially when people try to reassure me it will be fine, or I will be okay if I do the things I say I cannot handle, when I won't. How do you explain to some one you are broken??