Monday, January 18, 2016

Family

I have to write this and I have to write this right now, if I don't the moment will pass and I will forget it. I am so tired of forgetting. At times it makes things more enjoyable, because some feelings are new, but most times it just makes me feel sad. I Just finished hanging up my 2015 college picture. Every year since 2009 I have made one and now they all hang on the wall by the front door. All these years of memories hanging right there makes me so happy. We had all gone through so much and so much has changed. We went from just a few friends to a close family. We went from merely Justin, Jeremy and I to a full six. I love my boys so much. They bring so much joy to our lives. I look forward to everything I am going to experience with them. I really feel like 2016 is going to be a amazing year and has been so far. Even though I was given the bad news that I have fibromyalgia. I start on medication today. But having an answer to my health problems means so much. I have been in a pain for a while now, but I never complain, at least if I can help it. But even though the pain sucks the worst part is the memory loss. I constantly forget what I said, I have done, where I have been, why I got up, and what I was doing. If interrupted I completely forget what is going on. I lose track of nearly everything. I have begun to keep a tight organizational system just so I can not go insane because I NEVER remember where I put anything. So my coat, shoes, and purse go in the SAME place every day. I try not to set my phone down because I will instantly forget where I put it. I have several times lost my train of thought mid sentence. Planning and organizing has become so hard for me because I forget to finish, start or do a lot of things. I constantly have to write multiple check lists and reminders. I have to ask Justin, Jeremy or my sister to help me remember to do things.

It makes me a feel like a FAILURE. It doesn't help I hate asking for help. I will think Oh this needs done, and if I don't write it down or tell some one right away, the idea is gone, and I might as well have never thought it.

But I have a amazing family. Justin has been there for me no matter what. I don't know what I would do without him. There are some days where he works so hard, and I am so grateful to have him. The boys adore him and he has been a amazing father.


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