Warning! If you don't want to read super personal and medical things, skip this post. It may make you blush a little!
Now that all that is out of the way, back to what I wanted to write about. I finally got to go see a real gynecologist for the first time on Tuesday. Pretty bad since I am 24, but all I have seen is nurses. I have never been able to have sex, and it is not for lack of trying. I am just very lucky that I have had great relationships with great guys who didn't push me on the matter. I don't know if I blogged about this before, but some time last year I watched a special on MTV called I Can't Have Sex. One of the girls on there has the same trouble and symptoms as me and I self diagnosed myself with a condition called Vaginismus. Basically it causes the pubococcygeus muscle, to spasm and tighten when ever something gets near it. Like how your eye will blink automatically when something gets close. This muscle is located only a few inches into the vagina, and this reflex can cause extreme pain, and even prevent gyno exams. That makes me super nervous because I still have not been tested for cervical cancer.
This condition is some what common, although I had never heard of it before then. When I was at the doctors he did verify that it was the condition I had. There are several methods to treat it, there is physical therapy(which I have been doing on my own), psychological therapy(which I don't know if I can afford), and there are some medications. Basically the goal is simple, I have to teach my vaginal muscles how to relax. The process is painful for the physical part, but not unbearable. There is a chance because of this that I may never be able to have children. I have been trying once again to self inseminate myself, using a medicine dropper. If I cannot get pregnant this way, I may never have biological children. I would love to adopt, but then I want to have my own as well. Also, getting pregnant may make the condition worse. The doctor said that if I were to get pregnant, due to my vaginismus, my vagina would not react correctly to the birthing process and I would either never go into labor or be in perpetual labor, because my cervix would never open.
So, basically I have a lot to be depressed about, freaked out about, and think about. I am just so lucky to have a man supportive as Justin by my side through all of this. How many guys you know would marry a girl, knowing he could never have sex with her??
Now that all that is out of the way, back to what I wanted to write about. I finally got to go see a real gynecologist for the first time on Tuesday. Pretty bad since I am 24, but all I have seen is nurses. I have never been able to have sex, and it is not for lack of trying. I am just very lucky that I have had great relationships with great guys who didn't push me on the matter. I don't know if I blogged about this before, but some time last year I watched a special on MTV called I Can't Have Sex. One of the girls on there has the same trouble and symptoms as me and I self diagnosed myself with a condition called Vaginismus. Basically it causes the pubococcygeus muscle, to spasm and tighten when ever something gets near it. Like how your eye will blink automatically when something gets close. This muscle is located only a few inches into the vagina, and this reflex can cause extreme pain, and even prevent gyno exams. That makes me super nervous because I still have not been tested for cervical cancer.
This condition is some what common, although I had never heard of it before then. When I was at the doctors he did verify that it was the condition I had. There are several methods to treat it, there is physical therapy(which I have been doing on my own), psychological therapy(which I don't know if I can afford), and there are some medications. Basically the goal is simple, I have to teach my vaginal muscles how to relax. The process is painful for the physical part, but not unbearable. There is a chance because of this that I may never be able to have children. I have been trying once again to self inseminate myself, using a medicine dropper. If I cannot get pregnant this way, I may never have biological children. I would love to adopt, but then I want to have my own as well. Also, getting pregnant may make the condition worse. The doctor said that if I were to get pregnant, due to my vaginismus, my vagina would not react correctly to the birthing process and I would either never go into labor or be in perpetual labor, because my cervix would never open.
So, basically I have a lot to be depressed about, freaked out about, and think about. I am just so lucky to have a man supportive as Justin by my side through all of this. How many guys you know would marry a girl, knowing he could never have sex with her??
1 comment:
Wow, Panda. I had no idea. I'm glad you're seeing a doctor for this. I hope you get the healing you need. As a person who has given birth 6 times, I humbly suggest that maybe this isnt the best time to get pregnant. Wouldnt it be better to have this solved first? Being pg and becoming a mother is so stressful and once you have a baby you'll never be able to focus just on yourself again. Just my .02. No matter what ends up happening I hope the dr is able to help you solve the problem.~Lucia
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