Christmas

So far this has been a amazing and wonderful Christmas. My life compared to how things have been in the past has been very amazing and wonderful by itself. The van is broke down, but we have three other cars that run, so it isn't even stressful not to have it on hand. Justin and I opened out gifts to each other already, so we could begin to enjoy them right away. I got Justin a wide variety of things, like a sexy blue shirt, tons of scary movies, and some angry birds stuff. Oh and we can't forget candy. Justin is a little kid at heart and so I had to get him some candy. I didn't have any big stockings so this year I bought 4 little ones and we each got a candy bar and Justin bought us all scratch off tickets. Which awesomely enough I was the only one who didn't win. So, in the end they were a nice thought, just not for me!

I got this super cute panda purse and matching wallet!

Justin also got me tons of craft supplies such as ribbon, paint, and glitter glue!

PANDA DUCK!

Best of all, Justin got me every single expansion to my Sims3 games!!!

My Heart

I finally finished my button heart! I uploaded two pictures of it against two different backgrounds, so you could see the colors of it well. I love how it turned out. It did take several sessions, but actually only used 3/4 of a .66 once bottle of Dollar Tree glue. 

Gaming Addictions

I am super addicted to certain games. My favorite computer game is Sims3.

First off with the Sims. I have been playing sims since nearly the beginning of their creation. The first one I ever played was for the PS2, and totally started my addiction. I purchased the entire collection of Sims2 for the PC. I absolutely loved the entire set. Something about being able to start a relationship, have a dream wedding, and run your own business is just fun and amazing. Plus all the tools the game provides you with you can design your own home any way you want.
Then EA came out with the Sim3, which I of course preordered! It enabled you to fully interact with your entire town and not be trapped at a certain location. It also installed a continuous time line, this way as your life changed, the world around you actually changed too. So for the first time, your neighbor could have a baby, or die in a fire. Did I mention that Sims is a great way to relieve stress? Make a Sim that looks like some one you hate, then lock them in a room you set on fire! Sadistic?

 Maybe, but if you own Sims long enough, you find yourself doing all kinds of weird things. Like I once had a black widow Sim, she would marry a man, which added his money to the house, then have a kid with him and then kill him. Which turned out really interesting at night, because I had her keep the graves at home, and the ghosts of all her ex's haunted her!  Also other gamers have come up with challenges for other players. These challenges have certain sets of rules that the player must follow, and get a certain amount of points for each goal they accomplish. Some gamers have even set up sites where you can compare your score and story with others! While some Simmers blog their story line, telling about their sims unique lives through daily or weekly blog posts with pictures, almost like children's story books. So when it comes to Sims there is such a variety of things you can do once you start playing.

Button Art

So my art  project for the day has been button art! I have a large supply of buttons at home that I have gathered over time. It is easy to gather a surplus of buttons over time if you pick them up when you see them cheap. I often get mine in thrift stores for large stashes of them, or even find random ones as I got through jewelry and junk drawers. I recently saw some really neat ideas of ways to use buttons as art on Pinterest. The first picture below is very similar to the project I am doing now.

The project I am doing now is in progress, so I will be posting pictures of it on my facebook when it is done. It is using a red back ground with navy blue buttons to make a heart and white buttons surrounding it. I should have probably read some tutorials online on how to make gluing it down easier, because I am doing it all by hand, and there are at least 200 buttons on there!

Now this picture they have sewn on the buttons, which also is a neat concept, especially if they went and put a photo in the center. That would be a amazing frame!

This last photo here I really like and have seen several variations of this. I actually eventually want to do one similar to this, only in fall colors. Then I have seen this done in all seasons, like a photo transition. Plus brown buttons seem to be a color that is very easy to come by.

Depression

Depression, the fleeting friend you never want to visit. More and more often I feel hopeless and depressed and most of it stems around one base issue. I am broken. I will never be a simple healthy person. The way things are now I will never have children. I am due to start my period in seven days to see if this batch of insemination took. I don't think it has and I shouldn't be surprised it hasn't. I feel like a failure as a woman. I can't have sex with the man I love, I can't birth his children.  I cry when I see babies. Sometimes it is a lot, and I all out bawl. Usually when I see them in public I just get teary. I try so hard to remain composed. Every time I feel ill or think there is a small sign that I may be pregnant I get shot down with that I am just sick due to the stress. I really don't know what to do at times, because I am slowly starting to hate everyone around me because they can have kids, because they are healthy. I ask Justin constantly, why would you want to be with a woman like me?

I guess this is just a rant to get how upset I am off my chest. I have so much good going for me. I own a nice home, have a great guy, a wonderful dog, my family is finally starting to come together, hell, even Justin's family is starting to come around! Yet, every time I think about it I feel so empty and incomplete. Who knows what will happen.