Depression

Depression, the fleeting friend you never want to visit. More and more often I feel hopeless and depressed and most of it stems around one base issue. I am broken. I will never be a simple healthy person. The way things are now I will never have children. I am due to start my period in seven days to see if this batch of insemination took. I don't think it has and I shouldn't be surprised it hasn't. I feel like a failure as a woman. I can't have sex with the man I love, I can't birth his children.  I cry when I see babies. Sometimes it is a lot, and I all out bawl. Usually when I see them in public I just get teary. I try so hard to remain composed. Every time I feel ill or think there is a small sign that I may be pregnant I get shot down with that I am just sick due to the stress. I really don't know what to do at times, because I am slowly starting to hate everyone around me because they can have kids, because they are healthy. I ask Justin constantly, why would you want to be with a woman like me?

I guess this is just a rant to get how upset I am off my chest. I have so much good going for me. I own a nice home, have a great guy, a wonderful dog, my family is finally starting to come together, hell, even Justin's family is starting to come around! Yet, every time I think about it I feel so empty and incomplete. Who knows what will happen.