I just got out of the shower and while I was in there I did some deep thinking. Well, I did some thinking lets say that. The biggest thought on my mind was how my body and habits have already changed so much now that I am pregnant. So instead of fulling up facebook with tons of random statuses on what my body is up to, I thought a nice blog would summarize it. I am 11 weeks today, roughly.
First off is the visible physical changes. There isn't anything noticeable unless I am in my undies. Basically the space between my hip bones no longer curves in and has begun its slight curve outward. I am also slightly bloated, so it has me a little pudge around the middle. So basically slightly bigger, but I think I still could take a decent bikini picture.
Next is the eating. Cravings set in early. They are more like urges. Except for meat. That one is a craving for sure. Before I was pregnant I ate on average twice a day. I ate around noon something small, and then a larger dinner. It wasn't me starving myself either, I just wasn't hungry. That has completely changed now. I feel hungry what seems like all the time! I can eat and be hungry an hour later. Now I eat a small breakfast, trying to eat something that will sit well on my stomach to start the day. Then usually some sort of couple of bites snack, and either a couple more snacks or a lunch, then I have dinner. Which thank god I am finally feeling well enough to cook. Then after dinner I stay up late, so usually two more snacks. If I nap during the day it eliminates one or two snacks all together. The biggest change is the meat. I crave meat. I am nearly a vegetarian, and now I am wanting a damn near raw steak! Meat has always been something I was super picky about because I don't like cutting it up, hard to chew, doesn't sit well with my stomach. I am basically like an old person when it comes to REAL meat. Give me cold cuts or ground meat any day and no big deal. Now I am all over steaks, chops, you name it!
Another big change is mood. Half of this change is pregnancy change and the other half is no meds change. The pregnancy part is the tears. I cry over EVERYTHING. A picture of a puppy and baby? Tears. Sharing a Christmas memory? Tears. It has been crazy. That super cute baby outfit at WalMart? Tears. The other big mood change is no drugs. Stress equals Anger. Flat out. I try not to interact with anyone outside my household for fear I will freak out. I haven't yelled at anyone outside of immediate family and friends who understand. Which is good. The mixture of my anxiety and bipolar, and the fact I am pregnant, make me get super angry over normally small stressors that don't even merit a reaction half the time. So it goes without saying I cannot wait to be back on my happy pills. I recognise I have a problem and to be a good functioning person I need medication. I can't even tell my reactions are irrational at times. But it is good I can see that.
The last thing I can think of that has really changed is I have extreme and vivid dreams. I normally dream every night, but this is so different. I dream more detailed dreams and more creative dreams. Dreams I remember much more details to, and ones that convince me when I wake up that my reality has changed. I was convinced the other day when I woke up that Justin never existed!! Crazy!
First off is the visible physical changes. There isn't anything noticeable unless I am in my undies. Basically the space between my hip bones no longer curves in and has begun its slight curve outward. I am also slightly bloated, so it has me a little pudge around the middle. So basically slightly bigger, but I think I still could take a decent bikini picture.
Next is the eating. Cravings set in early. They are more like urges. Except for meat. That one is a craving for sure. Before I was pregnant I ate on average twice a day. I ate around noon something small, and then a larger dinner. It wasn't me starving myself either, I just wasn't hungry. That has completely changed now. I feel hungry what seems like all the time! I can eat and be hungry an hour later. Now I eat a small breakfast, trying to eat something that will sit well on my stomach to start the day. Then usually some sort of couple of bites snack, and either a couple more snacks or a lunch, then I have dinner. Which thank god I am finally feeling well enough to cook. Then after dinner I stay up late, so usually two more snacks. If I nap during the day it eliminates one or two snacks all together. The biggest change is the meat. I crave meat. I am nearly a vegetarian, and now I am wanting a damn near raw steak! Meat has always been something I was super picky about because I don't like cutting it up, hard to chew, doesn't sit well with my stomach. I am basically like an old person when it comes to REAL meat. Give me cold cuts or ground meat any day and no big deal. Now I am all over steaks, chops, you name it!
Another big change is mood. Half of this change is pregnancy change and the other half is no meds change. The pregnancy part is the tears. I cry over EVERYTHING. A picture of a puppy and baby? Tears. Sharing a Christmas memory? Tears. It has been crazy. That super cute baby outfit at WalMart? Tears. The other big mood change is no drugs. Stress equals Anger. Flat out. I try not to interact with anyone outside my household for fear I will freak out. I haven't yelled at anyone outside of immediate family and friends who understand. Which is good. The mixture of my anxiety and bipolar, and the fact I am pregnant, make me get super angry over normally small stressors that don't even merit a reaction half the time. So it goes without saying I cannot wait to be back on my happy pills. I recognise I have a problem and to be a good functioning person I need medication. I can't even tell my reactions are irrational at times. But it is good I can see that.
The last thing I can think of that has really changed is I have extreme and vivid dreams. I normally dream every night, but this is so different. I dream more detailed dreams and more creative dreams. Dreams I remember much more details to, and ones that convince me when I wake up that my reality has changed. I was convinced the other day when I woke up that Justin never existed!! Crazy!
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