This is my new boyfriend Dustin. He is sweet heart!
This is Jessamyn, his 6 month old daughter. She is beautiful and a great baby.
Dustin amazes me, he is such a good parent.
Oh, and he is a pretty good kisser too.Wednesday, July 30, 2008
My new boyfriend Dustin
I took a ton of pictures today with Dustin at his parents house. We hung out there most of the morning. He is wonderful guy and I am really loving being with him. He is smart, hard working, and a good parent to his daughter.
This is my new boyfriend Dustin. He is sweet heart!
This is Jessamyn, his 6 month old daughter. She is beautiful and a great baby.
Dustin amazes me, he is such a good parent.
Oh, and he is a pretty good kisser too.
This is my new boyfriend Dustin. He is sweet heart! This is Jessamyn, his 6 month old daughter. She is beautiful and a great baby. Dustin amazes me, he is such a good parent. Oh, and he is a pretty good kisser too.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Well, today has been fairly productive. I got a bunch of stuff ready for hte lard sale and hung out with Krystal for once. She is a awesome person to hange out with and I got a lot done. Coco is napping and laying here on my lap. I love her so much! Oh, and we went and drove around town a little to look at some of the houses we are interested in buying. I think I may buy a house now instead of the apartment building. But there are several triplexes and fourplexes I am interested in too. But I am not going to even go look at the insides until I get this house ready to go on the market. I can't afford both while I am on the income I am now. With all the over time I am working though, I might be able to catch up. I am considering taking a second position at Prairie Meadows instead of working as much over time, because I am hitting a hard tax bracket and making squat. If my checks were separate it wouldn't be so bad. There is a opening in the gift shop I a would like. So I am going to apply for that and see how it goes. That is my update for the day.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
My Trip to the ER
Well, the good news is I am not dead!lol. But anyways, I was working a double last night and while I was working I started having this pain in the left side of my chest. It was a stabbing searing kind of pain and it spread up through my shoulders. It bothered me a lot because all I was doing was standing at post, I wasn't doing any physical activity to cause it all. Later on when the pain wasn't so bad, a EMT on swing shift came by and I asked him about the pain and he wanted to send me out right then and there, and I told him I didn't want to go. I have had these pains before. He asked me if my left arm hurt and it didn't. Well, by the time the races were over and my next shift started, my shoulder ached and my left arm was hurting decently, so since I remembered him asking me that, I asked my shifts EMT. After I told him what had happened, we immediately went down to the first aid room. He ran some tests and was really concerned. He put this thing on my finger that watches your beat and it was irregular. So they called an ambulance, the paramedics came in and hooked me up and took some tests. They wanted to take me to the hospital, but all I could think was how much more debt I would be in. So I signed I wavier I didn't want to go. After they left I was having cold sweats and the EMT on my shift Jason insisted that I go get checked out. I had all the same symptoms as a officer before who had a heart attack. So I called Jeremy and he took me up to the Mercy Emergency room. They ran a EKG and the first nurse tried to hook me up with an IV but it hurt so bad she had to take it out. A different nurse came back later and did one in my other arm and it hurt but was fine. They ran some blood work and gave me this stuff in my IV that basically opens up your veins, they give it to people who are possibly suffering from a heart attack. Well, it worked. I felt better, it just felt like some one just smacked me in the chest. They prescribed me some medication to take for the pain, and to see my doctor on Monday. I came back by work and gave then my doctors note and when I spoke to Jason he reminded me to tell my doctor more of my history with this pain. I have been having these pains before, but people always told me it was heartburn or growing pains. So I will find out more when I see my family doctor. It makes me nervous. My mom has all these medical issues and I could be next!!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Twins!!
Ok, every month around you know that time, I get kinda baby crazy and think about how I would love to have a baby and then I smack myself and say what am I thinking???? But still I can dream of my future and I would really love to have twins. I did a little research on how to increase your chances of twins. Which was kind of interesting in it self. I need to find out some family history.
Ways to increase your chances of Twins
1.
Eat yams.There are certain cultures that have more twins than others. One of these is a tribe where they eat a lot of yams. There is a theory that it is a certain chemical in the yams that helps the women in this culture have more twins. The African country of Nigeria purportedly has the highest twinning rate in the world, estimated at 1 in 22. Some sources attribute it to their consumption of large quantities of yams. (It's worth a try if you really want to have multiples!) No one is quite sure why, but the Yoruba tribe in West Africa has the highest rate of twinning in the world. A study concluded that the mother's diet was the cause, being high in cassava, a type of yam or sweet potato. The peelings of this vegetable are thought to contain a chemical that causes hyperovulation. In addition, a 2006 study found that women who consume dairy are five times as likely to have twins.
2.
Be older when you get pregnant.The older you are when you get pregnant, the more likely you are to have twins. This may be because of an increased ovulation of multiple eggs, resulting in more dizygotic or fraternal twins. You (the mother) are over age 45. The chances of having twins increases with age; 17% of mothers over the age of 45 give birth to twins. Becoming a mother after age 50 boosts your odds considerably, to nearly 1 in 9!
3.
Be breastfeeding when you get pregnant.Recent studies show that if you are breastfeeding when you get pregnant that you are more likely to have twins. This is said to be caused by the depletion of calcium in your system while nursing and its effect on the egg during conception and ovulation.
4.
Be a twin. Twins have a higher rate of having twins themselves. Unfortunately you can't really influence this one. Or have a family history of twins. If you have a family history, mostly a maternal history, then you are at an increased chance of having twins yourself. These are mostly dizygotic or fraternal twins and not monozygotic or identical twins. This comes from the ability to ovulate more than one egg at any given point in ovulation. You, your mother, or her mother's mother is a fraternal twin. These women may carry a gene for hyperovulation, which means they release more than one egg during an ovulation cycle, increasing their ability to conceive fraternal twins. The chances may be high as 1 in 17 if the mother is a fraternal twin herself.
5.
Be a certain ethnicity.African Americans have a higher rate of twinning than other ethnicities.
6.
Take fertility drugs.There are actually practitioners who prescribe fertility medications like Clomid to increase the chances of having twin by inducing multiples eggs being released in ovulation. You'd be hard pressed to find one of these physicians, but they are out there. The problem is that there are risks to taking fertility drugs and it should be reserved for people who are having trouble conceiving. There are also increased risks of having a multiples pregnancy, even with "only" twins. Or try fertility treatments. Fertility treatments that go beyond fertility drugs are used only for those families that truly need it. Procedures like in vitro fertilization (IVF) and others can increase the chances that you will have twins or other multiples. Not only do they increase the risk of dizygotic twins, but also there appears to be an increase in monozygotic or identical twins. No one can deny that the availability of fertility enhancements has increased the multiple birth rate, but no study seems to conclusively pinpoint the impact. Some estimate that the chances of having twins after fertility enhancing treatment is as high as 1 in 38. Others estimate that using the drug Clomid increases your chances to 1 in 5.
7.
You've already had one set of fraternal twins. For mothers who have already had one set of fraternal twins, their chances of conceiving another set are four times greater than the average woman, or about 1 in 12!
8.
You're overweight or tall. A 2005 study published by the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology reported a significant increase in fraternal twin births to mothers who had a BMI of 30 or higher, or who were in the top 25th percentile for height.
9.
You live in Massachusetts or Connecticut. A 1999 study found that rates in these states were at least 25% higher than the national rate in the United States.
10.
Have A Big Family. The more kids you have, the more likely you are to conceive twins in a subsequent pregnancy. No one knows the magic limit that triggers a multiple pregnancy, so you'll just have to keep trying until it happens.
11.
Birth control pills are usually thought to be 99.9 percent effective at preventing pregnancy. However, that .01 percent often results in a double whammy -- multiples. Sometimes pregnancy occurs when the pill isn't taken consistently; in other cases, the hormonal mix of a particular drug type simply doesn't provide enough coverage to completely prevent ovulation. In either case, playing around with hormones can lead to hyperovulation, increasing the chances of multiples.
FACTS on Twins
Among general populations, the chances of having twins in the 21st century are about 3 in 100, or about 3%. Your chances are better than ever; researchers have recorded an increase of nearly 60% since the early 1980s. The most recent statistics, part of a 2004 study by the National Center for Health Statistics show that twins represented 32.21 of every 1,000 births.
The statistics for higher order multiples have shown a dramatic increase in recent years. The odds of conceiving "spontaneous" triplets (i.e., without the aid of fertility enhancements) is about 1 in 8,100. Researches noted a substantial -- 400%!! -- increase in the rate of triplet births over the last twenty years.
The odds of having spontaneous quadruplets are predicted to be 1 in 729,000.
It is estimated that 60% of triplets are the result of fertility enhancing treatments; while 90% of quadruplets and 99% are due to reproductive technology.
Things that Decrease your Odds of Twins
1.
You (the mother) are Hispanic or Asian. The 2001 study by the National Center for Health Statistics found that women of Hispanic origin were substantially less likely to have twins than white or black mothers. Among worldwide populations, the Asian countries of Japan and China have the lowest twinning rates, estimated at 1 in 150 and 1 in 300, respectively.
2.
You (the mother) are under age 25. The chance that a woman would bear twins before her 25th birthday are is less than half of what it would be after age 35.
You live in Hawaii. In a study that examined multiple birth in the United States, this tropical paradise scored lowest, about 30% below the national average.
3.
You're looking for identical multiples. The rate for identical, or monozygotic, multiples is random and universal; it's the same in all populations regardless of race, heredity or other factors, and it has remained constant over time. The chances of having identical twins is about 1 in 285.
SOURCES
I had several sources, but mostly they linked together with these two sites, so if you have a further interest you can browse through these. Which I thought were pretty interesting.
http://pregnancy.about.com/od/multiplepregnancy/a/oddsoftwins.htm
http://multiples.about.com/cs/funfacts/a/oddsoftwins_2.htm
Ways to increase your chances of Twins
1.
Eat yams.There are certain cultures that have more twins than others. One of these is a tribe where they eat a lot of yams. There is a theory that it is a certain chemical in the yams that helps the women in this culture have more twins. The African country of Nigeria purportedly has the highest twinning rate in the world, estimated at 1 in 22. Some sources attribute it to their consumption of large quantities of yams. (It's worth a try if you really want to have multiples!) No one is quite sure why, but the Yoruba tribe in West Africa has the highest rate of twinning in the world. A study concluded that the mother's diet was the cause, being high in cassava, a type of yam or sweet potato. The peelings of this vegetable are thought to contain a chemical that causes hyperovulation. In addition, a 2006 study found that women who consume dairy are five times as likely to have twins.
2.
Be older when you get pregnant.The older you are when you get pregnant, the more likely you are to have twins. This may be because of an increased ovulation of multiple eggs, resulting in more dizygotic or fraternal twins. You (the mother) are over age 45. The chances of having twins increases with age; 17% of mothers over the age of 45 give birth to twins. Becoming a mother after age 50 boosts your odds considerably, to nearly 1 in 9!
3.
Be breastfeeding when you get pregnant.Recent studies show that if you are breastfeeding when you get pregnant that you are more likely to have twins. This is said to be caused by the depletion of calcium in your system while nursing and its effect on the egg during conception and ovulation.
4.
Be a twin. Twins have a higher rate of having twins themselves. Unfortunately you can't really influence this one. Or have a family history of twins. If you have a family history, mostly a maternal history, then you are at an increased chance of having twins yourself. These are mostly dizygotic or fraternal twins and not monozygotic or identical twins. This comes from the ability to ovulate more than one egg at any given point in ovulation. You, your mother, or her mother's mother is a fraternal twin. These women may carry a gene for hyperovulation, which means they release more than one egg during an ovulation cycle, increasing their ability to conceive fraternal twins. The chances may be high as 1 in 17 if the mother is a fraternal twin herself.
5.
Be a certain ethnicity.African Americans have a higher rate of twinning than other ethnicities.
6.
Take fertility drugs.There are actually practitioners who prescribe fertility medications like Clomid to increase the chances of having twin by inducing multiples eggs being released in ovulation. You'd be hard pressed to find one of these physicians, but they are out there. The problem is that there are risks to taking fertility drugs and it should be reserved for people who are having trouble conceiving. There are also increased risks of having a multiples pregnancy, even with "only" twins. Or try fertility treatments. Fertility treatments that go beyond fertility drugs are used only for those families that truly need it. Procedures like in vitro fertilization (IVF) and others can increase the chances that you will have twins or other multiples. Not only do they increase the risk of dizygotic twins, but also there appears to be an increase in monozygotic or identical twins. No one can deny that the availability of fertility enhancements has increased the multiple birth rate, but no study seems to conclusively pinpoint the impact. Some estimate that the chances of having twins after fertility enhancing treatment is as high as 1 in 38. Others estimate that using the drug Clomid increases your chances to 1 in 5.
7.
You've already had one set of fraternal twins. For mothers who have already had one set of fraternal twins, their chances of conceiving another set are four times greater than the average woman, or about 1 in 12!
8.
You're overweight or tall. A 2005 study published by the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology reported a significant increase in fraternal twin births to mothers who had a BMI of 30 or higher, or who were in the top 25th percentile for height.
9.
You live in Massachusetts or Connecticut. A 1999 study found that rates in these states were at least 25% higher than the national rate in the United States.
10.
Have A Big Family. The more kids you have, the more likely you are to conceive twins in a subsequent pregnancy. No one knows the magic limit that triggers a multiple pregnancy, so you'll just have to keep trying until it happens.
11.
Birth control pills are usually thought to be 99.9 percent effective at preventing pregnancy. However, that .01 percent often results in a double whammy -- multiples. Sometimes pregnancy occurs when the pill isn't taken consistently; in other cases, the hormonal mix of a particular drug type simply doesn't provide enough coverage to completely prevent ovulation. In either case, playing around with hormones can lead to hyperovulation, increasing the chances of multiples.
FACTS on Twins
Among general populations, the chances of having twins in the 21st century are about 3 in 100, or about 3%. Your chances are better than ever; researchers have recorded an increase of nearly 60% since the early 1980s. The most recent statistics, part of a 2004 study by the National Center for Health Statistics show that twins represented 32.21 of every 1,000 births.
The statistics for higher order multiples have shown a dramatic increase in recent years. The odds of conceiving "spontaneous" triplets (i.e., without the aid of fertility enhancements) is about 1 in 8,100. Researches noted a substantial -- 400%!! -- increase in the rate of triplet births over the last twenty years.
The odds of having spontaneous quadruplets are predicted to be 1 in 729,000.
It is estimated that 60% of triplets are the result of fertility enhancing treatments; while 90% of quadruplets and 99% are due to reproductive technology.
Things that Decrease your Odds of Twins
1.
You (the mother) are Hispanic or Asian. The 2001 study by the National Center for Health Statistics found that women of Hispanic origin were substantially less likely to have twins than white or black mothers. Among worldwide populations, the Asian countries of Japan and China have the lowest twinning rates, estimated at 1 in 150 and 1 in 300, respectively.
2.
You (the mother) are under age 25. The chance that a woman would bear twins before her 25th birthday are is less than half of what it would be after age 35.
You live in Hawaii. In a study that examined multiple birth in the United States, this tropical paradise scored lowest, about 30% below the national average.
3.
You're looking for identical multiples. The rate for identical, or monozygotic, multiples is random and universal; it's the same in all populations regardless of race, heredity or other factors, and it has remained constant over time. The chances of having identical twins is about 1 in 285.
SOURCES
I had several sources, but mostly they linked together with these two sites, so if you have a further interest you can browse through these. Which I thought were pretty interesting.
http://pregnancy.about.com/od/multiplepregnancy/a/oddsoftwins.htm
http://multiples.about.com/cs/funfacts/a/oddsoftwins_2.htm
Pictures of me
Krystal hooked me up with a cute ribbon. I feel like a kitty.
Or a cute puppy.
These are the pictures of me from my hot date with Austin.
I love this shirt, this is the first time I have worn it.
It was a neat outfit all together.
I think I liked the jewelry the most though.
This is the only picture I have from my date with Stephen.
This is me in my work uniform.
I think it makes me look badass. Plus people think I look like a cop!My Little Asia
Here are pictures of Asia after she opened her eyes.
Asia was trying to get me because she didn't like the flash on the camera.
My little Coco bean. I love her so much. I am so proud of her!!
I wanted to post some new pictures of Asia. These three are of before she opened her eyes. She is so adorable when she sleeps. I have never seen a puppy sleep on their back like her!!
Asia was trying to get me because she didn't like the flash on the camera.
My little Coco bean. I love her so much. I am so proud of her!!
I wanted to post some new pictures of Asia. These three are of before she opened her eyes. She is so adorable when she sleeps. I have never seen a puppy sleep on their back like her!!
Monday, July 14, 2008
New Blog Stuff
Ok, well I would like to take a moment to point out all my changes here on my blogger page. First you have my new meez character! She supposedly is playing with a fairy, but it looks like a butterfly.
Then the link to my photos, which it does show every photo I have put up here since I started!
The countdown to Cocos birthday is on there, she will be one year old on Aug. 15th!
Also I added new Sites I visit and Favorite movies!
Last but at the top is my new dance text to welcome everyone here!!
Then the link to my photos, which it does show every photo I have put up here since I started!
The countdown to Cocos birthday is on there, she will be one year old on Aug. 15th!
Also I added new Sites I visit and Favorite movies!
Last but at the top is my new dance text to welcome everyone here!!
I guess an update on me
Things are looking a little better at work. I am trying hard to impress my supervisors, I value my job. I found out today I may be joining the union. I talked with a fellow employee and he mentioned a idea he has in the works, that would improve our pay and benefits. So I should know in a couple of weeks if I plan on doing that. I am bummed I didn't get the over time for the flood benefit concert. But I did get two race days. So I should have a decent amount of over time on my check after this one. I have 106 hours on this check, which is 26 hours over time. I estimated more, but I forgot about my half hour lunches they take out of our checks. I got to train the new lady today at work. I felt really good because the FTO(Field Training Officer) chose me to train her. She will be working with some other people the rest of the week, but she told me she learned a lot from me. She said I know a lot about the casino. I had a patron ask me about job opportunities and I explained to him all of his options. I try to find out everything I can about the casino, I hope someday I can move into some sort of management and make a difference. Make changes for the better.
The best thing that has happened to me lately is Asia has fully opened her eyes. She is so sweet, she cuddles up with me to sleep, and lets me hold her when ever I want. I love her so much. I don't care if Coco has anymore children, because Asia is perfect. She is my little baby, and Coco is just my baby. Garth is my retard and I love him for it. They are all laying with me now while I write this. I have such a wonderful little puppy family to come home to. Garth and Coco greet me at the door and only a few more weeks and Asia will be too! I will be scared all over again that she will get lost, or squished! I was so afraid Coco would get stepped on or stuck under something. I was super protective. I said if anyone stepped on her I would break their foot. I ment it too! I just hope the cat isn't mean to her. She is kinda mad that they made another one.
Ok, I have run the numbers if I can make this check ok, until next month, then I can make it. August is a special month and I get three pay checks. That's a lot with over time, so my goal is to work every hour possible in over time. I will be caught up and on track if all goes well. At least I hope so. Because I have to have a repair person come and look at my water heater, because it may be very broken. Well, it is broken I just don't know how bad. I guess it is a bad idea to submerge your gas water heater under water, who knew?Plus I have to look into buying a new dryer and getting the old one out of my basement. If I pay off the fridge, I may get a new new one. I go and see the stove Friday.
Ok, I done for now. Umm I am gonna cross my fingers and hope things either get better or I just die.
The best thing that has happened to me lately is Asia has fully opened her eyes. She is so sweet, she cuddles up with me to sleep, and lets me hold her when ever I want. I love her so much. I don't care if Coco has anymore children, because Asia is perfect. She is my little baby, and Coco is just my baby. Garth is my retard and I love him for it. They are all laying with me now while I write this. I have such a wonderful little puppy family to come home to. Garth and Coco greet me at the door and only a few more weeks and Asia will be too! I will be scared all over again that she will get lost, or squished! I was so afraid Coco would get stepped on or stuck under something. I was super protective. I said if anyone stepped on her I would break their foot. I ment it too! I just hope the cat isn't mean to her. She is kinda mad that they made another one.
Ok, I have run the numbers if I can make this check ok, until next month, then I can make it. August is a special month and I get three pay checks. That's a lot with over time, so my goal is to work every hour possible in over time. I will be caught up and on track if all goes well. At least I hope so. Because I have to have a repair person come and look at my water heater, because it may be very broken. Well, it is broken I just don't know how bad. I guess it is a bad idea to submerge your gas water heater under water, who knew?Plus I have to look into buying a new dryer and getting the old one out of my basement. If I pay off the fridge, I may get a new new one. I go and see the stove Friday.
Ok, I done for now. Umm I am gonna cross my fingers and hope things either get better or I just die.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Stove
I am gonna get a stove! I have been talking to this lady in Prairie City and she can even deliver it! So I am very excited. I haven't had a stove in months. So real cooking can happen now! I am very excited. When I get paid on Friday we will be making arrangements to get it. My check should be pretty hefty because I have 34 hours overtime on it. So yes, I am very excited about a stove.
I have a awesome lady I work with named Nicole and me and her chat all the time. I can't exactly remember how she came up with it, but she thought I should name the puppy Asia. I thought about it and went home and played with her a bit, and the name really does fit! So the new babies name is Asia. I don't know what Coco's deal is today, but she has been super cuddly and kissy. I love her so much. Asia is opening her eyes now, and is starting to make new noises. I swear Garth meowed once, so Asia makes some odd noises. But I love her to death to. My puppies are my life!
I have a awesome lady I work with named Nicole and me and her chat all the time. I can't exactly remember how she came up with it, but she thought I should name the puppy Asia. I thought about it and went home and played with her a bit, and the name really does fit! So the new babies name is Asia. I don't know what Coco's deal is today, but she has been super cuddly and kissy. I love her so much. Asia is opening her eyes now, and is starting to make new noises. I swear Garth meowed once, so Asia makes some odd noises. But I love her to death to. My puppies are my life!
Stephen Stonebreaker
Yes, this post is for you, because I am sure you will read it. You need to leave me alone, no wonder girls want nothing to do with you after they date you! You are psycho! There was no sub-message in the last blog I wrote what so ever! I said everything straight to the point and could not be more clear for the most part. but no, there was no secret message in there for you. But thanks to that blog it showed me what a deranged loony you are! You are very paranoid and need to seek help. Just because I don't feel a connection with you now doesn't mean there could not have ever been one, but you kinda ruined that. You are more dramatic then any woman I have ever met and I have known some very dramatic women. You turned everything I said into something else, and you created the issues that just weren't there. You texted me and said I planned this from the beginning? Why would I do that? What would be the point? I have a extremely busy life, and I have no time for dumb shit like that! But I would much rather go back to my ex who cheated, lied and stole from me then be with you, because he may have acted stupid, but at least he wasn't all crazy paranoid like you are! It is just sad, I write a post about things that are bringing me down and you take it all as a personal message for you, how self centered can you be? You need to get your head on straight before you go hurting another girl. And yes you hurt me, a lot. Telling a girl that she is a waste of time, after she writes a depressing blog, is going to hurt her. Oh and you need to learn to not assume things, because it just makes you out to be a huge douche bag.
Just so you know, I do hate you and hope you fall off the face off the earth. Don't text me, don't call me or I will have the police all over you, because I do work with them every single night.
Just so you know, I do hate you and hope you fall off the face off the earth. Don't text me, don't call me or I will have the police all over you, because I do work with them every single night.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
OK, here is the Truth
I know so many people out there are going to read this and be sooo freaking happy and then there are some that are going to be hurt, or very angry. So I guess sucks to be me some more.
But the damn truth is that I am so miserable. I hate my life. I feel like bad things are always happening. Everyday when I come home from work on the drive home I cry. I cry because I don't like my job, because I have so much debt, because I have to be alone. I hate that I am alone. I miss my husband, and I hate myself for missing him. Why should I miss some one who hurt me so bad?? Why should I miss some one who smoked behind my back, and in my house, and put dirty dishes in the dresser, stole my money, and lied to me continueously. But I do miss him and a lot. I meet a guy who I fall head over heels for, he likes me too, and he is leaving for the military! Well there went that one! I met another guy who is pretty great, but I just don't feel that connection with. So I can't win in that department. Every time I build up my life it crumbles and falls apart. I had tons of my clothes packed up in the basement, and they got soaked when it flooded, but I didn't know. So now I will probably lose them all. Things I loved to wear, and my winter clothes. I will probably have to throw away almost all my house decor and christmas stuff that was packed up down there too. I am trying to save my stuff, but I don't have time to because of the fact I am always working. I am always working because I am in so much debt. I am in so much debt because of the fact I believed my boss when she would promise me more hours and never came through, and because of all the empty promises from my husband. I feel like such a failure because I trusted and relied on others and they let me down. Every time I go to sleep I wish and pray that I won't wake up, and that all this pain will be over. But I always wake up and go to work and bust my ass and then I am back were I started. I feel like I never catch up. Every day I feel so guilty going to work because Coco misses me so much. She looks at me when I put on my uniform because she knows she is not going to see mommy for a long time. I know many people think she is just a dog, but she is my baby. Honestly if it weren't for the fact I don't think anyone would take care of her and love her enough, I would just die. some times she really is all I live for. I get up and go to work everyday and it all feels so pointless. My house is always trashed. I never have enough time to catch up with anything, because if I don't get enough sleep then I will lose my job. I keep fighting and fighting and putting up this front that I am strong and happy, and that is because I don't want anyone to know I am hurting and weak and I just want some one to help me. I feel so overwhelmed, but I don't want people to know. I don't want everyone to think I am just a whiner or a baby, I want to be strong, but I hate that I have to be. Jeremy can run away and be a kid, and have nothing to be responsible for. He doesn't have to be an adult, but then wants to live with me and it just makes everything worse. Chris runs home, and doenst have to be responsible for anything he had up here, and I am stuck here, in the real world all by myself and everyone else can just abandon when they want to. Oh, this isn't fun anymore, I am gone. Slowly I feel like I am losing everything. First all my stuff down in the basement, which was a large percentage of my stuff. Then my house is falling apart. I have no time to get things repaired. I have no hot water, and I have to have my water heater repaired. I have to no time to be here for that, and I don't have the money to fix it. The van needs a alternator, no time or money. Oh and I just found out that my puppy has fleas, thats why she cries so much. I have no idea what to do to help her! What kind of person lets a two week old puppy get fleas??? I feel like I have let her down. Now I have drama at work, which could even cause me to lose my job if it goes wrong. Which with the road my life
But the damn truth is that I am so miserable. I hate my life. I feel like bad things are always happening. Everyday when I come home from work on the drive home I cry. I cry because I don't like my job, because I have so much debt, because I have to be alone. I hate that I am alone. I miss my husband, and I hate myself for missing him. Why should I miss some one who hurt me so bad?? Why should I miss some one who smoked behind my back, and in my house, and put dirty dishes in the dresser, stole my money, and lied to me continueously. But I do miss him and a lot. I meet a guy who I fall head over heels for, he likes me too, and he is leaving for the military! Well there went that one! I met another guy who is pretty great, but I just don't feel that connection with. So I can't win in that department. Every time I build up my life it crumbles and falls apart. I had tons of my clothes packed up in the basement, and they got soaked when it flooded, but I didn't know. So now I will probably lose them all. Things I loved to wear, and my winter clothes. I will probably have to throw away almost all my house decor and christmas stuff that was packed up down there too. I am trying to save my stuff, but I don't have time to because of the fact I am always working. I am always working because I am in so much debt. I am in so much debt because of the fact I believed my boss when she would promise me more hours and never came through, and because of all the empty promises from my husband. I feel like such a failure because I trusted and relied on others and they let me down. Every time I go to sleep I wish and pray that I won't wake up, and that all this pain will be over. But I always wake up and go to work and bust my ass and then I am back were I started. I feel like I never catch up. Every day I feel so guilty going to work because Coco misses me so much. She looks at me when I put on my uniform because she knows she is not going to see mommy for a long time. I know many people think she is just a dog, but she is my baby. Honestly if it weren't for the fact I don't think anyone would take care of her and love her enough, I would just die. some times she really is all I live for. I get up and go to work everyday and it all feels so pointless. My house is always trashed. I never have enough time to catch up with anything, because if I don't get enough sleep then I will lose my job. I keep fighting and fighting and putting up this front that I am strong and happy, and that is because I don't want anyone to know I am hurting and weak and I just want some one to help me. I feel so overwhelmed, but I don't want people to know. I don't want everyone to think I am just a whiner or a baby, I want to be strong, but I hate that I have to be. Jeremy can run away and be a kid, and have nothing to be responsible for. He doesn't have to be an adult, but then wants to live with me and it just makes everything worse. Chris runs home, and doenst have to be responsible for anything he had up here, and I am stuck here, in the real world all by myself and everyone else can just abandon when they want to. Oh, this isn't fun anymore, I am gone. Slowly I feel like I am losing everything. First all my stuff down in the basement, which was a large percentage of my stuff. Then my house is falling apart. I have no time to get things repaired. I have no hot water, and I have to have my water heater repaired. I have to no time to be here for that, and I don't have the money to fix it. The van needs a alternator, no time or money. Oh and I just found out that my puppy has fleas, thats why she cries so much. I have no idea what to do to help her! What kind of person lets a two week old puppy get fleas??? I feel like I have let her down. Now I have drama at work, which could even cause me to lose my job if it goes wrong. Which with the road my life
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Puppy Mills
One again the media has brought to my attention the horror of puppy mills and pet shop sales. I saw this video from from youtube and wanted to share it here because I want to spread the word. No more puppy mills! Dogs are not for money. When I first got Coco, I thought you know I could use the extra money a couple of times a year. But I love her too much to breed her like they do in puppy mills. She is a wonderful dog with a heart and a soul. I was so happy when she only had one this time. I don't think I am going to even let her get pregnant on her next heat. I am still going to sell her puppies, but I am going to let them happen naturally, and only until she is about 4. Then she will get fixed and live a happy life with a few of her children. That's the way it should be. The people I bought Coco from do breed them, but they are like family and very loved. They have their own space and are like one of the family. Other wise I would have never bought her from there. I did see one puppy mill and I wish I had kept the name and address of the place so I could have it shut down. Once I get my bills caught up and I have more gas money, and I am going to be shutting down places. I have a friend who is state certified and all I have to do is make one call. But here is that awesome video:
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Remodel Update
YAY!! I am so happy! We finally have our new stove and fridge outlets! That has been one of my biggest hassles because no one knew how to run them! But this really awesome guy named Dustin from work came out and ran them for me! I am so happy. So I finished removing the trim in the closet and swept it out. He did look at the water heater too and it looks like it may be broken. I am really bummed about that, but oh well, off to the gym to shower. Below are the only remodeling pictures I have so far. They are in progress ones. We still have a lot of work to do.
This is Krystal scraping up floor tile. She helped all day on this, what an awesome friend!
This is after I laid some of the new floor down, it looks much nicer then the old tiles.
Then ths is the bathroom, the wallpaper had air pockets that held water and molded. I have to scrub abd bleach the walls, then paint.
Then this is what the bathroom floor looks like right now. It had carpet and we ripped it all out. I am putting in the same flooring that it is in the kitchen. I can't wait!
This is Krystal scraping up floor tile. She helped all day on this, what an awesome friend!
This is after I laid some of the new floor down, it looks much nicer then the old tiles.
Then ths is the bathroom, the wallpaper had air pockets that held water and molded. I have to scrub abd bleach the walls, then paint.
Then this is what the bathroom floor looks like right now. It had carpet and we ripped it all out. I am putting in the same flooring that it is in the kitchen. I can't wait!
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Thinking at Work
I have been spending an exceptional amount of time at work lately. I will have 34 hours over time on my next check, if that is a good example. But I do enjoy my job. I get to talk to so many different people and laugh and joke. I can't walk through that casino without having to wave at a dozen people I know.
I have a lot of time to think about things while I am at work too. Co-workers always ask me if I am going to school, and if I am going into law enforcement. When I would tell them no, that was all I really had to say. I have been thinking a lot about it though. This job pays very well, and if I manage my money just right, I can open my own business. I really loved my job when I worked at GoodWill and I miss it a lot. But I want some thing more. I want to open up a business that brings together the community to help them. I want to have special programs were a percent of sales is donated to schools, good grades get discounts and gift certificates, and people who don't know about services such Angel Food can find information about them easily.
I had a few moments at work were I realized how much I love to make people happy. I was working the races and I asked one of the jockeys for some of his extra goggles to give away to some kids. They usually hand them out, but not many kids get them. The races were extra long that day, and so the last few kids who stayed to the end, I handed them out to. Seeing their faces light up just made my night. Then last night I saw a friend from another department with a bunch of balloons, and she handed me one. Well, down in the Triple Crown Buffet their are usually kids some times when people come in for breakfast. So I went down and gave it to this girl in line. She blushed and gave me a shy smile, and at that moment I loved that I had a chance to do that.
It may be years off before I open my own business, but I am hoping before then I can get into some sort of marketing, or office work at Prairie Meadows. It is something I would like, but I want to try to get into a position were I can make a change and a difference. I want to start a recycling program for sure. They would save so much money and it would look very good on them publicly. Every thing now a days is go green, and for a good reason. This is a business that is filling the land fills. Mother nature only has so much to offer if we don't give back.
So, yeah, I have a lot of time to think at work and plan. There is so much I want to do with my life. I used to have this thing about wanting to be remembered, and now I want the effects of my actions to be around for generations to come. I do believe it only takes one person to make a difference.
I have a lot of time to think about things while I am at work too. Co-workers always ask me if I am going to school, and if I am going into law enforcement. When I would tell them no, that was all I really had to say. I have been thinking a lot about it though. This job pays very well, and if I manage my money just right, I can open my own business. I really loved my job when I worked at GoodWill and I miss it a lot. But I want some thing more. I want to open up a business that brings together the community to help them. I want to have special programs were a percent of sales is donated to schools, good grades get discounts and gift certificates, and people who don't know about services such Angel Food can find information about them easily.
I had a few moments at work were I realized how much I love to make people happy. I was working the races and I asked one of the jockeys for some of his extra goggles to give away to some kids. They usually hand them out, but not many kids get them. The races were extra long that day, and so the last few kids who stayed to the end, I handed them out to. Seeing their faces light up just made my night. Then last night I saw a friend from another department with a bunch of balloons, and she handed me one. Well, down in the Triple Crown Buffet their are usually kids some times when people come in for breakfast. So I went down and gave it to this girl in line. She blushed and gave me a shy smile, and at that moment I loved that I had a chance to do that.
It may be years off before I open my own business, but I am hoping before then I can get into some sort of marketing, or office work at Prairie Meadows. It is something I would like, but I want to try to get into a position were I can make a change and a difference. I want to start a recycling program for sure. They would save so much money and it would look very good on them publicly. Every thing now a days is go green, and for a good reason. This is a business that is filling the land fills. Mother nature only has so much to offer if we don't give back.
So, yeah, I have a lot of time to think at work and plan. There is so much I want to do with my life. I used to have this thing about wanting to be remembered, and now I want the effects of my actions to be around for generations to come. I do believe it only takes one person to make a difference.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Movies I Want to See
Here are some movies I want to see. I think others might likes these, so I am gonna write up a little info on them and maybe it will interest others to see them.
Hancock
http://www.hancock-movie.com/
There are heroes... there are superheroes... and then there's Hancock. With great power comes great responsibility -- everyone knows that -- everyone, that is, but Hancock. Edgy, conflicted, sarcastic, and misunderstood, Hancock's well-intentioned heroics might get the job done and save countless lives, but always seem to leave jaw-dropping damage in their wake. The public has finally had enough -- as grateful as they are to have their local hero, the good citizens of Los Angeles are wondering what they ever did to deserve this guy. Hancock isn't the kind of man who cares what other people think -- until the day that he saves the life of PR executive Ray Embrey, and the sardonic superhero begins to realize that he may have a vulnerable side after all. Facing that will be Hancock's greatest challenge yet -- and a task that may prove impossible as Ray's wife, Mary, insists that he's a lost cause.
Wall-E
http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/wall-e/
What if mankind had to leave Earth, and somebody forgot to turn the last robot off? Wall-E, spends every day doing what he was made for. But soon, he will discover what he was meant for, as he adventures across the galaxy chasing his dream.
After mankind abandons its trashed home planet, one garbage-collecting robot spends seven centuries cleaning up the mess. Over the years he evolves a personality that is considerably warmer and fuzzier than his rusty exterior. So when a sleek scout-robot checks in on Earth, the lonely and eccentric WALL-E falls head over heels in love. His pursuit of his paramour becomes a spacefaring adventure that will leave you speechless. Seriously. After about an hour you may literally forget how to speak.
The Happening
http://www.thehappeningmovie.com/
Elliot Moore is an underappreciated schoolteacher whose marriage is on the rocks. But nothing helps you forget your worries like a sudden global apocalypse! When people begin dying en masse, rumors fly about terrorist attacks or botched government experiments, but soon it becomes obvious that even the government couldn't botch things this badly. Confused and terrified, with their links to the rest of the world rapidly vanishing, Elliot and his family must go on the run in what is fast becoming a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Baby Mamma
http://www.babymamamovie.net/
Successful and single businesswoman Kate Holbrook has long put her career ahead of a personal life. Now 37, she's finally determined to have a kid on her own. But her plan is thrown a curve ball after she discovers she has only a million-to-one chance of getting pregnant. Undaunted, the driven Kate allows South Philly working girl Angie Ostrowiski to become her unlikely surrogate. Simple enough. After learning from the steely head of their surrogacy center that Angie is pregnant, Kate goes into precision nesting mode: reading childcare books, baby-proofing the apartment and researching top pre-schools. But the executive's well-organized strategy is turned upside down when her Baby Mama shows up at her doorstep with no place to live. An unstoppable force meets an immovable object as structured Kate tries to turn vibrant Angie into the perfect expectant mom. In a comic battle of wills, they will struggle their way through preparation for the baby's arrival. And in the mid dle of this tug-of-war, they'll discover two kinds of family: the one you're born to and the one you make.
Well, these are m top choices of movies at the moment I would like to see. A large variety!
Hancock
http://www.hancock-movie.com/
There are heroes... there are superheroes... and then there's Hancock. With great power comes great responsibility -- everyone knows that -- everyone, that is, but Hancock. Edgy, conflicted, sarcastic, and misunderstood, Hancock's well-intentioned heroics might get the job done and save countless lives, but always seem to leave jaw-dropping damage in their wake. The public has finally had enough -- as grateful as they are to have their local hero, the good citizens of Los Angeles are wondering what they ever did to deserve this guy. Hancock isn't the kind of man who cares what other people think -- until the day that he saves the life of PR executive Ray Embrey, and the sardonic superhero begins to realize that he may have a vulnerable side after all. Facing that will be Hancock's greatest challenge yet -- and a task that may prove impossible as Ray's wife, Mary, insists that he's a lost cause.
Wall-E
http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/wall-e/
What if mankind had to leave Earth, and somebody forgot to turn the last robot off? Wall-E, spends every day doing what he was made for. But soon, he will discover what he was meant for, as he adventures across the galaxy chasing his dream.
After mankind abandons its trashed home planet, one garbage-collecting robot spends seven centuries cleaning up the mess. Over the years he evolves a personality that is considerably warmer and fuzzier than his rusty exterior. So when a sleek scout-robot checks in on Earth, the lonely and eccentric WALL-E falls head over heels in love. His pursuit of his paramour becomes a spacefaring adventure that will leave you speechless. Seriously. After about an hour you may literally forget how to speak.
The Happening
http://www.thehappeningmovie.com/
Elliot Moore is an underappreciated schoolteacher whose marriage is on the rocks. But nothing helps you forget your worries like a sudden global apocalypse! When people begin dying en masse, rumors fly about terrorist attacks or botched government experiments, but soon it becomes obvious that even the government couldn't botch things this badly. Confused and terrified, with their links to the rest of the world rapidly vanishing, Elliot and his family must go on the run in what is fast becoming a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Baby Mamma
http://www.babymamamovie.net/
Successful and single businesswoman Kate Holbrook has long put her career ahead of a personal life. Now 37, she's finally determined to have a kid on her own. But her plan is thrown a curve ball after she discovers she has only a million-to-one chance of getting pregnant. Undaunted, the driven Kate allows South Philly working girl Angie Ostrowiski to become her unlikely surrogate. Simple enough. After learning from the steely head of their surrogacy center that Angie is pregnant, Kate goes into precision nesting mode: reading childcare books, baby-proofing the apartment and researching top pre-schools. But the executive's well-organized strategy is turned upside down when her Baby Mama shows up at her doorstep with no place to live. An unstoppable force meets an immovable object as structured Kate tries to turn vibrant Angie into the perfect expectant mom. In a comic battle of wills, they will struggle their way through preparation for the baby's arrival. And in the mid dle of this tug-of-war, they'll discover two kinds of family: the one you're born to and the one you make.
Well, these are m top choices of movies at the moment I would like to see. A large variety!
10 Crazy Things I do at Work
Ok, there are a series of crazy things I do at work, to keep myself entertained, and to just entertain others. So, I guess you could say that at work I am not very shy. I try to make it fun, or at least not some where I dread going. If you hate your job it is extremely hard to make yourself go there. So here are ten crazy things I do at work!
1.When posted at main cross(top of the escalators) I dance to slot machine theme music and the background music they play.
2.I play hop scotch at the south entrance on the floor tiles.
3.I pretend I am skiing when going down the escalators.(Skiing really really slow)
4.I randomly announce to co-workers that I am inspecting toilets.(We are required to do bathroom checks and most the time, that's all we ever do it look at toilets)
5. I ride the escalators for fun.
6.I read all the comment cards in the boxes around the casino and laugh at the weird ones.
7.I count ceiling tiles, lights, and ponies on the carpet.(If you have never been there, everything is horse racing themed.)
8.I check the time at least 100 times a night.
9.I walk in circles until some one tells me I am gonna wear a hole in the floor.
10.Every now and then, I see if I can get random objects to ride all the way to the top or bottom the escalator on the railing.
There are a lot of times where I am actually working, but on dead nights, little do they know that they pay me twelve dollars an hour to do this!!
1.When posted at main cross(top of the escalators) I dance to slot machine theme music and the background music they play.
2.I play hop scotch at the south entrance on the floor tiles.
3.I pretend I am skiing when going down the escalators.(Skiing really really slow)
4.I randomly announce to co-workers that I am inspecting toilets.(We are required to do bathroom checks and most the time, that's all we ever do it look at toilets)
5. I ride the escalators for fun.
6.I read all the comment cards in the boxes around the casino and laugh at the weird ones.
7.I count ceiling tiles, lights, and ponies on the carpet.(If you have never been there, everything is horse racing themed.)
8.I check the time at least 100 times a night.
9.I walk in circles until some one tells me I am gonna wear a hole in the floor.
10.Every now and then, I see if I can get random objects to ride all the way to the top or bottom the escalator on the railing.
There are a lot of times where I am actually working, but on dead nights, little do they know that they pay me twelve dollars an hour to do this!!
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